Why I Stan Monster Energy Drinks
Because sometimes you need explosive energy to sit at your desk for nine hours.
Instead of making lists lately, I’ve spent every waking moment I’m not at work on a bike, making playlists, or training/practicing to become a spin instructor.
It’s been four years since I last taught group fitness (boxing, not spin) and I’m overjoyed to be so close to teaching again.
Here are some things I’ve had to do to get to this point:
Ride or run almost every day, if not twice a day
Work through my fear of reinjuring myself
Push myself physically harder than I have since before the pandemic
Start stretching my psoas and hamstrings again, even if I’d rather die than do it
Eat a bigass slice of humble pie over and over again
F*ck up, and force myself to breeze past it like it never happened
Learn how to ride, do lights, cue choreography, and motivate people to move…all simultaneously
I’ve fuelled this entire adventure with adrenaline and Monster Energy drinks. I haven’t switched to Celsius or some other fancy new brand because…well….
I have been drinking the white flavour (Ultra Zero) since I was a teenager. Coincidentally, my mom only ever let us have diet drinks growing up so I’ve been brainwashed into liking the taste of aspartame.
They are cheap, and you can buy them everywhere.
I get a kick out of consuming things I know I’m not the target demographic for. How do I know? This is how. Also, I don’t watch Nascar or Motocross.
I wake up at 5 a.m. for my job, and sometimes in order to not fall asleep at my desk I need something that is going to make me feel like I could rip a phone book in half (even if I won’t).
I think in a past life, I was a frat boy who fell onto a cactus and died. I have no proof of this…other than my spin playlists, love of Monster and the fact that I drank Labatt Blue King cans till I got blackout (when I still drank aka prior to 2018).
Things I like about working from home:
The camera does a lot of the heavy lifting on the days when I look boot nasty.
Bed → desk. Sometimes the bed IS the desk.
Not spending $$ on food, coffee, transportation or parking to and from the office.
Blaring Sofi Tukker DJ sets because sometimes it’s exactly what I need to write about something completely mind-numbing.
I don’t have to catch any rogue looks for my collection of four desk beverages.
Things I don’t like about working from home:
No separation between church and state. They may as well be sleeping in the same bed.
The slippery slope of struggling to take the sweatpants off.
The irresistible urge to clean.
No reasons to go out for fun office lunches or coffee breaks with coworkers.
The uncontrollable urge to solve work stress with snacks that make no sense, like cucumber with peanut butter.
Stay weird,
— Reggie